Dear Good Sports,
I was out with some parents the other day and heard something that I wanted to share with you.
At one of the children's recent games, one of the players really had an attitude. He was acting out a lot and wouldn't listen to Coach Mary. He was really disrupting the game. He even started walking off the field when he was annoyed. Coach told him if he left the field, he was out of the game.
I'm sure you know what came next: with that ultimatum, the boy turned and walked off.
The Coach called in a sub and the game continued.
I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that about 5 minutes later the boy returned to the game and fully expected to be allowed back into the game. But Coach Mary remained firm: "You disobeyed me. I told you what would happen if you left the field. You chose to leave so you can't play anymore today."
Now -- this boy is a star player. When he left the game, his team started losing. By keeping him out of the game, the team lost. Of course, some of the other parents and kids were mad that she wouldn't let the boy back into the game.
Coach Mary stood firm with her decision. The player needed to respect and listen to his coach and behave in a way that helped his team, not hurt it.
I'm sure you can see Coach Mary made a tough decision -- and understand why she did it, even if, in your heart of hearts, you might not have wanted the team to lose and think you might have been a little more lenient. She surely didn't want the team to lose, either.
But by showing the boy that his actions had consequences by enforcing the consequences, Coach Mary made the hard choice to potentially sacrifice this game for, hopefully, a better, stronger, happier season and team going forward. (A lesson that can extend into behaviour off the ball field, too.)
Maybe not a popular choice, but certainly the right one.
Blog you again, soon, with some more Good Sport Bad Sport topics.
Leslie
P.S. Our book on Good Sportsmanship is being published by Good Manners Kids Stuff Press and will be available on Amazon soon. Watch our posts for more information or visit www.goodmannerskidsstuffpress.blogspot.com to read all the behind the scenes activity behind the publication.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Don't make my child play defense
Dear Good Sports,
It may shock you to hear that parents sometimes freely offer up their opinion to their child's coach as to what position their child should or should not play.
You're shocked, shocked, you say.
Who would do that, you wonder. Who?
That person would have some nerve, you say. How obnoxious.
Except that ... my son really wants to score a goal.
Or ...
My daughter is bored waiting for action at the other end of the field.
Those are different situations -- surely the coach understands and will put my child on offense. After all -- he/she really wants to do it.
Well, Coach understands all too well that the kids (and the parents) may have some preconceived ideas about the positions they want to play (or want their kids to play).
No one would argue that there's something spectacular about the winning touch down by the quarterback and the running back. Wanting that for your child is completely understandable (and okay, maybe re-living your dream is understandable, too).
But there's a whole field full of positions that make just as vital a contribution to that winning play as the quarterback and running back. And the children will never know if they could excel at them if they don't ever have the opportunity to play or learn them.
My husband, Bill, was at the Lacrosse Coaches Wrap Up meeting this evening. One topic of discussion was the fact that some of the parents demand that their children don't play any of the defensive positions.
Now, this is coaching for the younger, beginning players -- not for older, experienced kids. The league rule is and always will be that all kids play all positions. However unpopular this rule always is with outspoken parents, this year was no exception. The league position is that it gives the kids a chance to learn and understand the complete game -- and gives them the opportunity to find out at which position they're really good (had to retype that so as not to end with a preposition --I was an English major, after all).
The funny thing is that the child of one of the most adamant parents turned out to be REALLY good at defense, rather than attack. If the coach had given into the parent's demand, the little girl would never have found out how good she was at defense. And when she excelled, she really started loving lacrosse.
So what's the Good Sport Bad Sport blog message tonight?
Your coach is always right.
(Just kidding. Coach Bill wanted me to say that.)
But seriously -- in this instance, Coach is right. So, let your child play defense. She'll also get a chance to play offense. And you'll all get to see which position is best for her.
Blog you soon with another Good Sport Bad Sport Topic,
Leslie
P.S. "The Coach is always right" is not to be confused with "The Coach always makes my child play defense," a topic that we'll cover in another post.
P.P.S. Our book on Good Sportsmanship is being published by Good Manners Kids Stuff Press and will be available on Amazon soon. Watch our posts for more information or visit www.goodmannerskidsstuffpress.blogspot.com to read all the behind the scenes activity behind the publication.
It may shock you to hear that parents sometimes freely offer up their opinion to their child's coach as to what position their child should or should not play.
You're shocked, shocked, you say.
Who would do that, you wonder. Who?
That person would have some nerve, you say. How obnoxious.
Except that ... my son really wants to score a goal.
Or ...
My daughter is bored waiting for action at the other end of the field.
Those are different situations -- surely the coach understands and will put my child on offense. After all -- he/she really wants to do it.
Well, Coach understands all too well that the kids (and the parents) may have some preconceived ideas about the positions they want to play (or want their kids to play).
No one would argue that there's something spectacular about the winning touch down by the quarterback and the running back. Wanting that for your child is completely understandable (and okay, maybe re-living your dream is understandable, too).
But there's a whole field full of positions that make just as vital a contribution to that winning play as the quarterback and running back. And the children will never know if they could excel at them if they don't ever have the opportunity to play or learn them.
My husband, Bill, was at the Lacrosse Coaches Wrap Up meeting this evening. One topic of discussion was the fact that some of the parents demand that their children don't play any of the defensive positions.
Now, this is coaching for the younger, beginning players -- not for older, experienced kids. The league rule is and always will be that all kids play all positions. However unpopular this rule always is with outspoken parents, this year was no exception. The league position is that it gives the kids a chance to learn and understand the complete game -- and gives them the opportunity to find out at which position they're really good (had to retype that so as not to end with a preposition --I was an English major, after all).
The funny thing is that the child of one of the most adamant parents turned out to be REALLY good at defense, rather than attack. If the coach had given into the parent's demand, the little girl would never have found out how good she was at defense. And when she excelled, she really started loving lacrosse.
So what's the Good Sport Bad Sport blog message tonight?
Your coach is always right.
(Just kidding. Coach Bill wanted me to say that.)
But seriously -- in this instance, Coach is right. So, let your child play defense. She'll also get a chance to play offense. And you'll all get to see which position is best for her.
Blog you soon with another Good Sport Bad Sport Topic,
Leslie
P.S. "The Coach is always right" is not to be confused with "The Coach always makes my child play defense," a topic that we'll cover in another post.
P.P.S. Our book on Good Sportsmanship is being published by Good Manners Kids Stuff Press and will be available on Amazon soon. Watch our posts for more information or visit www.goodmannerskidsstuffpress.blogspot.com to read all the behind the scenes activity behind the publication.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thoughts on Good Sportsmanship by Kim Ryan, PE Teacher
Dear Good Sports,
I'm excited to introduce our first Guest Poster!
Her name is Kim Ryan. She is the PE Teacher at New Eagle Elementary School where our family goes. As it's the season for Field Days (she ran New Eagle's yesterday), her observations on good sportsmanship are right on time.
When I ask one of my students what a good sport is they usually tell me one of the following – all of which are true: It means
- Shaking hands after a game
- Not bragging
- Playing fair
- Not being a sore loser
- Saying good game
What about:
1. When someone else wins – that doesn’t mean that they cheated.
2. Being respectful of the game and the other team - not bending or stretching the rules to get an edge or trying to annihilate or run up the score on the other team.
3. Athletes complementing each other on a move, play, and win - whether they are a team mate or not.
4. Be genuinely happy for someone else winning.
5. Not always tagging or getting out the people you know you can get out – challenge yourself to get that really hard player.
6. Sometimes letting someone score just because you know it’s that much harder for them and they hardly ever score.
7. Include everyone on your team – whether they are really good or not.
8. Cut someone else a break – especially when they aren’t as good as you at something.
9. Let your accomplishments speak for themselves without tooting your own horn.
10. Being a respectful winner and loser.
Unfortunately too much emphasis is placed on whether a team wins or loses. When we ask students/children how was the game they always answer with whether they won or lost. I feel we need to turn the focus on the game itself. Spend more of your conversation on were there any great plays, saves, moves, what player really impressed you, are you proud of any plays you did, did you try any new strategies or skills you’ve been practicing, etc. The spirit of the game and how it is played is what is important – not necessarily the score at the end. It’s kind of like life – I hope my students grow up to be kind, considerate, respectful, compassionate, hard working, honest members of society. In my opinion sports should be a reflection of how I hope my students will live their life.
Many thanks, Mrs. Ryan, for your insights which can --and should --be followed by kids of all ages!
Check back soon for more Good Sport thoughts, comments, stories, and more!
Leslie
I'm excited to introduce our first Guest Poster!
Her name is Kim Ryan. She is the PE Teacher at New Eagle Elementary School where our family goes. As it's the season for Field Days (she ran New Eagle's yesterday), her observations on good sportsmanship are right on time.
Thoughts on Good Sportsmanship
by Kim Ryan, Elementary PE Teacher, New Eagle Elementary
When I ask one of my students what a good sport is they usually tell me one of the following – all of which are true: It means
- Shaking hands after a game
- Not bragging
- Playing fair
- Not being a sore loser
- Saying good game
What about:
1. When someone else wins – that doesn’t mean that they cheated.
2. Being respectful of the game and the other team - not bending or stretching the rules to get an edge or trying to annihilate or run up the score on the other team.
3. Athletes complementing each other on a move, play, and win - whether they are a team mate or not.
4. Be genuinely happy for someone else winning.
5. Not always tagging or getting out the people you know you can get out – challenge yourself to get that really hard player.
6. Sometimes letting someone score just because you know it’s that much harder for them and they hardly ever score.
7. Include everyone on your team – whether they are really good or not.
8. Cut someone else a break – especially when they aren’t as good as you at something.
9. Let your accomplishments speak for themselves without tooting your own horn.
10. Being a respectful winner and loser.
Unfortunately too much emphasis is placed on whether a team wins or loses. When we ask students/children how was the game they always answer with whether they won or lost. I feel we need to turn the focus on the game itself. Spend more of your conversation on were there any great plays, saves, moves, what player really impressed you, are you proud of any plays you did, did you try any new strategies or skills you’ve been practicing, etc. The spirit of the game and how it is played is what is important – not necessarily the score at the end. It’s kind of like life – I hope my students grow up to be kind, considerate, respectful, compassionate, hard working, honest members of society. In my opinion sports should be a reflection of how I hope my students will live their life.
Check back soon for more Good Sport thoughts, comments, stories, and more!
Leslie
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Lost and Found
Dear Good Sports,
Yesterday we received an email from the head of the youth lacrosse league.
Now that it's the end of the season, she sent a Lost and Found List to let us know what's been left at-- and collected from -- the fields over the last two months.
If anyone is missing one of the items -- such as a retainer case -- please contact her for its return.
The retainer case made me chuckle. Unless it was at a game last weekend or a practice this week, I wondered how a parent or child wouldn't have realized it was lost -- or 'fessed up in the case of the child -- before this!
(I always think the same thing when they empty out the Lost and Found at the end of the school year. There are major winter coats on that table -- how would the child make it home during the cold weather without it?)
Anyway, it got me thinking about the scene at the end of games and practices -- a scene repeated at every sport or activity everywhere, I'm sure!
It's chaos! The kids' primary thought is to get a drink and a snack (understandably) ... the parents (understandably) are interested in getting everyone in the car to drive off to the next activity. The coach (ultimately) is left gathering up the equipment and picking up the snack trash -- as quickly as possible since the next team is waiting for the field.
Now, if everyone did their share -- helping pack up the equipment, being responsible for their own snack wrappers -- clean-up would be a breeze.
And that retainer case would have made it home!
Just a thought.
Leslie
http://www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com/
http://www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com/
Yesterday we received an email from the head of the youth lacrosse league.
Now that it's the end of the season, she sent a Lost and Found List to let us know what's been left at-- and collected from -- the fields over the last two months.
If anyone is missing one of the items -- such as a retainer case -- please contact her for its return.
The retainer case made me chuckle. Unless it was at a game last weekend or a practice this week, I wondered how a parent or child wouldn't have realized it was lost -- or 'fessed up in the case of the child -- before this!
(I always think the same thing when they empty out the Lost and Found at the end of the school year. There are major winter coats on that table -- how would the child make it home during the cold weather without it?)
Anyway, it got me thinking about the scene at the end of games and practices -- a scene repeated at every sport or activity everywhere, I'm sure!
It's chaos! The kids' primary thought is to get a drink and a snack (understandably) ... the parents (understandably) are interested in getting everyone in the car to drive off to the next activity. The coach (ultimately) is left gathering up the equipment and picking up the snack trash -- as quickly as possible since the next team is waiting for the field.
Now, if everyone did their share -- helping pack up the equipment, being responsible for their own snack wrappers -- clean-up would be a breeze.
And that retainer case would have made it home!
Just a thought.
Leslie
http://www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com/
http://www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com/
Saturday, May 9, 2009
The all-important team cheer
Dear Good Sports,
I write to you on our first sunny day in forever! We've had days and days of rain, on and off for two weeks.
We were able to work outside, clean-up the gardens, plant flowers and spread mulch. We have a lot of poison ivy that I hope we avoided.
Also, my husband and our younger daughter finally had their first lacrosse game in two weeks this morning They'd been unable to play or practice because of the weather. My husband is her coach and they love sharing it together.
But because they haven't had a chance to play for two weeks, it's also been two weeks since the Great Cheer Debacle of 2009. And Coach Dad has been getting more and more nervous as time goes on.
The Great Cheer Debacle of 2009 happened two weeks ago and he hasn't lived it down yet (or, more accurately, our friends whose daughters are on the team, haven't let him live it down).
The day started innocently enough -- with no premonition of the trouble ahead. The girls played well. But at the end of the game, instead of gathering together, they ran straight over to the Snack Mom who had brought fresh, hot-from-the-oven soft pretzels.
Meanwhile the other team obediently circled their coach and gave a loud cheer for the coach, the refs and the other team. Then they lined up to start the "good game" stick cross with our team.
Meanwhile, our team was struggling with their pretzels and putting their straws in their juice pouches, with sticks and gear and water bottles scattered around.
Coach Dad tried valiantly to get the girls together, to catch up so that the other team wasn't waiting long in line for our team. Finally they straggled into a circle but no one started the cheer together, and then he said one thing and they said another, and then they weren't very loud because their mouths were full of soft pretzel. Last, he called them last year's team name, instead of this year's team name (which our daughter unfortunately pointed out to him after she swallowed her soft pretzel) -- an honest mistake, I think, when you know that last year's team was the Red Hots and this year's team is the Hot Shots.
You can imagine how over two weeks the Great Cheer Debacle of 2009 was becoming an albatross around his neck. No chance to get back up on the horse, so to speak, because they were rained out.
Last night our friends gave him some pointers and made up some cheers for him (some appropriate, some not) and then he practiced with our daughter this morning. He managed to stop the rush to the Snack Mom (munchins from Dunkin Donuts) and I'm happy to report that Potato Chip, Potato Chip, munch munch munch, we just played a might fine bunch -- go (insert other team's name) went well -- and the Great Cheer Debacle of 2009 is hopefully fading into a gentle memory.
(Until someone brings it up.)
It's funny what the cheer represents -- it's not just the cheer itself, but the respect doing it shows for the other team, coaches and refs. It's tradition, it's fun and no game is complete without it. So I'm glad we got our "cheer-on" (or should it be "cheer-back") today.
Talk to you later,
Leslie
www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com
http://www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com/
I write to you on our first sunny day in forever! We've had days and days of rain, on and off for two weeks.
We were able to work outside, clean-up the gardens, plant flowers and spread mulch. We have a lot of poison ivy that I hope we avoided.
Also, my husband and our younger daughter finally had their first lacrosse game in two weeks this morning They'd been unable to play or practice because of the weather. My husband is her coach and they love sharing it together.
But because they haven't had a chance to play for two weeks, it's also been two weeks since the Great Cheer Debacle of 2009. And Coach Dad has been getting more and more nervous as time goes on.
The Great Cheer Debacle of 2009 happened two weeks ago and he hasn't lived it down yet (or, more accurately, our friends whose daughters are on the team, haven't let him live it down).
The day started innocently enough -- with no premonition of the trouble ahead. The girls played well. But at the end of the game, instead of gathering together, they ran straight over to the Snack Mom who had brought fresh, hot-from-the-oven soft pretzels.
Meanwhile the other team obediently circled their coach and gave a loud cheer for the coach, the refs and the other team. Then they lined up to start the "good game" stick cross with our team.
Meanwhile, our team was struggling with their pretzels and putting their straws in their juice pouches, with sticks and gear and water bottles scattered around.
Coach Dad tried valiantly to get the girls together, to catch up so that the other team wasn't waiting long in line for our team. Finally they straggled into a circle but no one started the cheer together, and then he said one thing and they said another, and then they weren't very loud because their mouths were full of soft pretzel. Last, he called them last year's team name, instead of this year's team name (which our daughter unfortunately pointed out to him after she swallowed her soft pretzel) -- an honest mistake, I think, when you know that last year's team was the Red Hots and this year's team is the Hot Shots.
You can imagine how over two weeks the Great Cheer Debacle of 2009 was becoming an albatross around his neck. No chance to get back up on the horse, so to speak, because they were rained out.
Last night our friends gave him some pointers and made up some cheers for him (some appropriate, some not) and then he practiced with our daughter this morning. He managed to stop the rush to the Snack Mom (munchins from Dunkin Donuts) and I'm happy to report that Potato Chip, Potato Chip, munch munch munch, we just played a might fine bunch -- go (insert other team's name) went well -- and the Great Cheer Debacle of 2009 is hopefully fading into a gentle memory.
(Until someone brings it up.)
It's funny what the cheer represents -- it's not just the cheer itself, but the respect doing it shows for the other team, coaches and refs. It's tradition, it's fun and no game is complete without it. So I'm glad we got our "cheer-on" (or should it be "cheer-back") today.
Talk to you later,
Leslie
www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com
http://www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
National Anthem at the Phillies Game
Dear Good Sports,
As promised, I am posting after getting back from the Phillies Game this evening where my daughters' choir sang the National Anthem.
(My husband and I are also fast forwarding through American Idol, which we taped while we were gone.)
The choir sang beautifully and we were so proud. The Phillie Phanatic broke through the lines of the choir kids to joke around with our younger daughter who was in the front row. It got up on the Jumbotron. (She's taking a picture of it into school tomorrow.) Our older daughter got a close-up on the Jumbotron, too. The Phillies won, the weather was perfect -- all in all, a great evening!
Ironically, it was my younger daughter who made an observation that is perfect to include in on the Good Sport Bad Sport Blog:
Whenever a certain Phillies player came up, it sounded like people were booing him. But what they were really saying was his name, Raul.
We laughed over this confusion on the drive home. But then my younger daughter said, "I felt sorry for the other team because whenever they got a run, everyone booed them. That must make them feel so sad."
Now, although Philadelphia fans are notorious for their bad bad behaviour, tonight they weren't so bad -- probably since we won by so much.
Sure -- the booing and etc. is all part of the game experience, and shows your support for the home team.
But I just thought it was an interesting observation from a nine-year old, thinking about how the other team would feel. About the ways we're supposed to treat each other.
So I leave you with that thought until next time.
Leslie
www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com
www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com
As promised, I am posting after getting back from the Phillies Game this evening where my daughters' choir sang the National Anthem.
(My husband and I are also fast forwarding through American Idol, which we taped while we were gone.)
The choir sang beautifully and we were so proud. The Phillie Phanatic broke through the lines of the choir kids to joke around with our younger daughter who was in the front row. It got up on the Jumbotron. (She's taking a picture of it into school tomorrow.) Our older daughter got a close-up on the Jumbotron, too. The Phillies won, the weather was perfect -- all in all, a great evening!
Ironically, it was my younger daughter who made an observation that is perfect to include in on the Good Sport Bad Sport Blog:
Whenever a certain Phillies player came up, it sounded like people were booing him. But what they were really saying was his name, Raul.
We laughed over this confusion on the drive home. But then my younger daughter said, "I felt sorry for the other team because whenever they got a run, everyone booed them. That must make them feel so sad."
Now, although Philadelphia fans are notorious for their bad bad behaviour, tonight they weren't so bad -- probably since we won by so much.
Sure -- the booing and etc. is all part of the game experience, and shows your support for the home team.
But I just thought it was an interesting observation from a nine-year old, thinking about how the other team would feel. About the ways we're supposed to treat each other.
So I leave you with that thought until next time.
Leslie
www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com
www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Welcome to the Good Sport Bad Sport Blog!
Dear Good Sport,
Welcome to the first post of the Good Sport Bad Sport Blog!
I am very excited to launch this blog today. I think it will provide an important place to share thoughts and advice about how to raise our little athletes to become Good Sports.
It's also going to be a good place to talk about our behavior as adults! Why? Because an article I saw online yesterday about parents being banned from the sidelines of their daughters' soccer game because they yelled at the Referee makes it clear that Good Sportsmanship is not just about the kids -- but about the grownups, too!
From time to time Guest Bloggers will stop in to offer their perspective. And I hope you'll share yours as well. (Feel free to leave your comments or sign-up for email alerts, an RSS feed or to be a follower -- we'd love to have you.) We won't be preaching ... in fact, I hope you come for the laughs as well as the advice and observations.
I'm planning my next post after my daughters sing The National Anthem at the Phillies Game next week. We're all very excited -- and hopefully fans and players alike will be on their best behavior!
Your Good Sport Blogger,
Leslie
P.S. If you're interested in more children's manners "stuff" or want to have a chuckle over bad manners, check out www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com and www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com.
Welcome to the first post of the Good Sport Bad Sport Blog!
I am very excited to launch this blog today. I think it will provide an important place to share thoughts and advice about how to raise our little athletes to become Good Sports.
It's also going to be a good place to talk about our behavior as adults! Why? Because an article I saw online yesterday about parents being banned from the sidelines of their daughters' soccer game because they yelled at the Referee makes it clear that Good Sportsmanship is not just about the kids -- but about the grownups, too!
From time to time Guest Bloggers will stop in to offer their perspective. And I hope you'll share yours as well. (Feel free to leave your comments or sign-up for email alerts, an RSS feed or to be a follower -- we'd love to have you.) We won't be preaching ... in fact, I hope you come for the laughs as well as the advice and observations.
I'm planning my next post after my daughters sing The National Anthem at the Phillies Game next week. We're all very excited -- and hopefully fans and players alike will be on their best behavior!
Your Good Sport Blogger,
Leslie
P.S. If you're interested in more children's manners "stuff" or want to have a chuckle over bad manners, check out www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com and www.goodmannersmom.blogspot.com.
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